talisguy:

In Light Of The New 50 Shades of Grey Trailer

mr-muppetface:

fuckyeahsexpositivity:

blessedwithmisery:

fuckyeahsexpositivity:

blessedwithmisery:

fuckyeahsexpositivity:

E.L. James knows as much about BDSM as she would have found in a five minute Google search, which is to say that she knows precisely jack shit.

50 Shades of Grey does not depict a realistic kinky relationship, nor does it depict a healthy relationship of either the kinky or vanilla variety.

It…

You must haven’t read the book.

I think you’ll find I have.

—BB

Well you’re totally wrong about it being abuse and “total Jack shit “. I agree that everyone is entitled to their own opinions but, to say that someone’s way of life is abusive and horrible and not safe is rude. To them it’s safe and it’s fun. It’s a way of coping or that it’s just so invigorating and captivating that, that’s what they prefer. You saying its bad way to have sex and should only be done like making love is very close to a straight person saying gay people shouldn’t get married. It’s their lives, there is no right and wrong just different opinions.
Also there is no such thing as “safe sex”. The only safe sex, is to have sex with a condom.
And that’s not always safe because a lot of things can happen to a breakable latex. Also, yes. BDSM, DD/LG, S&M relationships can be very dangerous; but people know their limits, there are safety precautions, and there are liabilities to keep them from having any tragedies.
All I’m saying is, read into more things better before judging.

Okay, lemme explain something to you:

I’m fucking kinky. 

I’ve hit people with a riding crop! I’ve tied someone to a cage with Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff rope! I’ve been smacked so hard and for so long that at the end I was giggling uncontrollably and couldn’t sit down the next day from the bruising on my ass! I’ve had people kneeling at my feet and cuddling with me on a giant mattress and scratching me with plastic bear claws! Believe me, if there’s anyone who wants people to know that BDSM is not inherently abusive, it’s me.

This is not me judging someone for practicing something I don’t agree with. This is me judging a writer for misrepresenting me and everyone else I know who practices BDSM in a risk-aware consensual manner.

This is as if I were a woodworker, and I read a book where someone sticks their hand in a band saw and says that’s the proper way to use it. I, being a woodworker, could say with authority that that’s not how you use a band saw, and saying it is could get people hurt in real life. It’s true, there’s a lot of ways and reasons to use a band saw, but that’s not one of them.

Similarly, there’s a lot of ways to practice kink (some of which I don’t agree with!), but what happens in 50 Shades is not one of them. I’m not saying BDSM itself is abusive, I’m saying that what’s portrayed in 50 Shades that’s passed off as BDSM is abusive.

If anything, E.L. James is the one who’s saying that BDSM is abusive, because everything she writes only affirms the idea that there is something wrong with Christian Grey and that wrongness is his kinkiness. She’s the one who says he’s that way because of his difficult life and past abuse. She’s the one who says that kink is abusive. I’m criticizing that.

—BB

Jennifer Armintrout, a published author of horror and romantic fiction, read and commented on the entire Fifty Shades trilogy a few years ago, and 13 chapters in, someone sent her some handouts about abusive relationships, which she used to scrutinize Fifty Shades. The results were horrifying.

To summarize…

Things in Fifty Shades of Grey That Are Not Relationship Red Flags:

• Christian likes BDSM.

Things in Fifty Shades of Grey That Are Relationship Red Flags:

• Ana never feels comfortable around Christian and wants to escape from him.
• Ana sees Christian as broken, and believes she can love him hard enough to “fix” him.
• Ana never seems to think she’s worthy of Christian’s attention.
• Christian pressures Ana to give him what he wants, regardless of what she wants to give.
• Christian isolates Ana from her friends and family via the NDA
• Christian won’t ever accept that he’s wrong, but instead will give long and convoluted responses that ultimately show that he’s right and Ana’s mistaken.
• Christian and Ana’s relationship is all about what he wants—like to show off by giving her gifts, or to enter into a full-time Master/slave relationship, or to see her in Georgia even though she specifically asked him not to. What Ana wants never matters.
• Ana commits to the relationship even though she knows she and Christian want wildly different things from it.
• Christian uses sex and emotional connection to manipulate Ana’s decisions.
• Despite what her “Inner goddess” says, Ana is markedly uncomfortable with BDSM, which she doesn’t want to do. Notice how she refers to it not as “spanking,” but “beating”. I don’t think this is nit-picking—she seems to think of spanking not as a fun, exciting, tantalizingly painful experience, but physical assault.
• Christian gets angry at Ana for things outside of her control (like getting a phone call from José), and she thinks she deserves it.

Plus, there’s everything that BB’s initial post covered.

If you’re reading what people like BB, pervocracy, and Jennifer Armintrout are saying, Christian’s relationship with Ana isn’t abuse because BDSM. It’s abuse because… well, all of the above.