“Most dangerous monster? Well, vampires are pretty easy–just carry pencils. Ghosts are mostly irritants, werewolves collapse at silver, and dragons keep to themselves… Naw, it’s one no one expects. It’s–”
So our party was a tinker-ish bard(me), a wizard(Wiz), a half-Orc barbarian (Bar), a rogue(Rog), and a cleric(Cle).
*starting out in town*
Me: hey the book says we can by some vials of oil while in town?
DM: yes
Cle: but we’ve got plenty of oil for the Lanterns, don’t waste your gold.
Me: okay, well im gonna get some caltrops then.
Bar: who the hell uses caltrops? They’re useless
Me: actually, I’m gonna get the oil too.
*i spend most of my gold on caltrops and oil, just to piss off my teammates for the most part, cause I joined late and they’d been using me as “the intern” for awhile. Later on we find the village of Lizard men we’d been looking for, and found the Leader, his healer/second-in-command. They’re in a crumbled old watch tower with one largish opening on one side*
Me: oh shit I’ve got an idea
Rest of the party:??????
Me: okay, so I quietly lay the caltrops in the opening of the tower *rolls successfully* and then use ventriloquism (or some sound creation spell-thing, I don’t remember exactly) to yell in the middle of the group to scare the shit out of them. (Rolls successfully)
Bar: oh wait, imma stand on the edge of the caltrops
Cle: me too
Rog: I ready my bow to pick off any that don’t hit a caltrop
Wiz: I’m with the rogue (he had a bow too, but did use a spell here and there)
DM: alright, this’ll be interesting
*we manage to take most of them in the caltrops, but the leader, his healer, and 2 or 3 lizard men made it out and ran for it*
Me: I’m gonna chase after the leader
Wiz: I’ll come with (by now [wiz] has only got a single flaming hands left)
Bar: alright, the rest of us will take these stragglers
DM: [me] and [wiz] catch up with the Leader and his group, the Leader is laying down while the healer try’s to keep him alive, the guards stand nearly unscathed from the previous fighting, they raise their weapons as you two approach (the rest of the groups still fighting by the caltrops)
Me: Oh shit oh shit oh shit, [wiz], do you have any flaming hands left?
Wiz: yah?
Me: prep it. (To the DM) I open my vials of oil and throw them at the group of lizard men. *rolls a Nat 20*
DM: alright, uh, they’re all coated almost evenly, barely a drop hits the ground
Wiz: ooooooooh, I cast flaming hands on the leader. *rolls succesfully*
DM: *apparently rolled only 1’s or something for the lizard men* they all just kind of flail on the ground while being burnt to a crisp, despite the nearby creek. *at this point the DM’s just kinda flabbergasted*
Bar: well shit, so that’s what you can do with them
