When I was 16-19 I worked as a hostess/parking lot attendant at a funeral home and my boss told me (and I quote) “you get a friends and family discount but once you quit you won’t get it anymore so make sure you use it.” And to this day nothing has ever been funnier to me
A week after I got the job I accidentally spilled someone’s ashes on myself and my manager told me not to worry about it because they had spare ashes in the back room
Some dick hole tried brake checking me, fucker didnt realise I’m ready to put a motherfucker in the hole today. So I just hit the Jake’s and that’s it. Just loud 78000 thousands pounds of get the fuck out my way. He slammed throttle when he realised I wasnt stopping. Flipped me the bird and left but I won cause I made him fear for his bitchmade life.
My dad drives a rolloff and he has people do all sorts of stupid crap to him on the road,
brake checking him happens way too often, and what’s worse is they don’t know the stopping distance the truck needs
We had a driver get B.C.’d and he went into the trunk of the car one time
Luckily/unluckily a highway patrol officer saw the whole thing and was prepping to pull the dude over before the crash but was too late so the company didn’t have to use its own insurance
A dashcam is literally the best investment in your vehicle you can ever make if you drive for a living. Especially a two channel one (has two cameras, usually to get in front, and behind the vehicle)
I bought one for my car a few years ago, I’d say it’s paid for itself over time. While I’ve had no major incidents personally, ice caught some choice dumb things other drivers have done.
O sultan, Turkish devil and damned devil’s kith and kin, secretary to Lucifer himself. What the devil kind of knight are thou, that canst not slay a hedgehog with your naked arse? The devil shits, and your army eats. Thou shalt not, thou son of a whore, make subjects of Christian sons; we have no fear of your army, by land and by sea we will battle with thee, fuck thy mother.
Thou Babylonian scullion, Macedonian wheelwright, brewer of Jerusalem, goat-fucker of Alexandria, swineherd of Greater and Lesser Egypt, pig of Armenia, Podolian thief, catamite of Tartary, hangman of Kamyanets, and fool of all the world and underworld, an idiot before God, grandson of the Serpent, and the crick in our dick. Pig’s snout, mare’s arse, slaughterhouse cur, unchristened brow, screw thine own mother!
So the Zaporozhians declare, you lowlife. You won’t even be herding pigs for the Christians. Now we’ll conclude, for we don’t know the date and don’t own a calendar; the moon’s in the sky, the year with the Lord, the day’s the same over here as it is over there; for this kiss our arse!
– Koshovyi otaman Ivan Sirko, with the whole Zaporozhian Host.”
Reply of the Zaporozhian Cossacks to Sultan Mehmed IV of the Ottoman Empire
In case anyone needed a dramatic reading of the above historical letter.
I’m dying!
This got sooo good
Showing us once again that people are people and swears are swears no matter the age
