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Secretary Of Treasury Announces Plan To Remove Gross Penny From Circulation

WASHINGTON—Saying his department had been considering the measure for several years, U.S. Treasury Secretary Jack Lew announced official plans Tuesday to remove a gross, grime-covered penny from circulation. “The truth is that nobody uses this coin any longer, largely because you can barely even see Abraham Lincoln’s profile beneath some kind of caked-on black gunk,” said Lew, noting that the one-cent piece had fallen out of favor due to the indeterminate sticky film coating its entire surface, which Treasury officials speculated might have come from gum, residue from some type of sugary drink, or something else altogether. 

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