Everyone Is Losing Their Minds Over This Canberra Cafe’s Insane Milkshakes
THis cafe is Sugar Biscuit’s hero.
DEATH BY SUGAR
NO.
DON’T FUCKING GO HERE. THIS HELLHOLE IS CALLED PATISSEZ. THOSE MONSTOSITIES IN THE PICTURE ARE CALLED FREAKSHAKES AND THEY ARE LIQUIDISED DIABETES. FIRST THING THEY ASK AT THE COUNTER IS YOUR PHONE NUMBER BECAUSE THESE MOTHERFUCKERS TAKE A FULL HOUR TO MAKE BECAUSE THEY DO NOT FUCK AROUND AT PATISSEZ. THEN AFTER THEY TAKE YOUR NUMBER AND YOU FUCK AROUND FOR AN HOUR YOU GET YOUR SHAKE AND LET ME TELL YOU, THESE SHAKES WILL FUCK YOU UP. YOU SEE THAT WEIRD HUGE CUBE THING ON THE FAR RIGHT THAT’S A FUCKING MARSHMELLOW. I GOT THE SECOND ONE AND SWEET BABY JESUS I DID NOT REALISE WHAT A MISTAKE I HAD MADE UNTIL I WAS HALF A MILKSHAKE DOWN WITH FOUR NUTELLA SMOTHERED SALTY AS PEREZ HILTON PRETZELS IN MY MOUTH. MY FRIENDS AND I LEFT THIS CAFE CLUTCHING OUR STOMACHS HOLDING ON FOR DEAR LIFE BECAUSE GOOD GOD THESE THINGS WILL DESTROY YOU. I SPENT THE NEXT THREE HOURS GROANING IN PAIN ON SOMEONES APARTMENT FLOOR WHILE TWO PEOPLE VOMITED IN THE OWNERS BATHTUB. PATISSEZ IS THE MOST HARDCORE MILSHAKE EXPERIENCE YOU WILL EVER HAVE. DO NOT FUCKING GO TO PATISSEZ.
So I need to go to Patissez