Month: December 2014

theabbottchronicles:

Scott Morrison’s new department of social services has announced it will be completely cutting funding and aid to housing advocacy groups and community service providers including National Shelter whose three year contract will be torn up a year early.

“Mwahahaha!” Morrison said during a press conference. “Merry Christmas you homeless fucks!”

He then went over to a nearby homeless person and kicked away their cardboard sign that read “hungry, please help.” He then proceeded to steal the loose change that was in the hat they’d placed before them.

“We need all the money we can get for the budget” Morrison said as he emptied the hat coins down the front of his pants. “Oooh… chilly. It gives me shivers all over my dick… which is all of me.”

“Oh, but where are my manners?” Morrison continued. “It is nearly Christmas. Here! Have a present!” He produced a hand written letter from his jacket pocket. “It’s a letter from a child in a detention centre. Look! It even has a cute little drawing in crayon!” He pointed to a picture of a weeping child surrounded by metal bars, a black sun overhead, and a caption that read “please let me out of prison” underneath it. Morrison placed it firmly into the homeless person’s hands and walked off.