if i were a zookeeper my intrusive thoughts would be wild

brain: slap that penguin. right across his little blubbery tummy. it’ll jiggle.

me: no??? that’s mean???

brain: polar bear, then

me: no

brain: the lions just got fed raw meat

me: yes?

brain: steal it and eat it in front of them


rowan i want you to know that this is the best possible reply i could have received

I work with animals and this is true for me. No, I cannot eat sea stars out the touch tank no matter HOW good you think the cronch will be, brain. 

sometimes you wonder what was going through the head of the first human to eat something really weird and then you see this post and stop wondering

“lick the dolphin, rowyn”
“no, brain. wtf??”

brain: “eat the herring”

me: “no why would I do that???”

brain “probably smooth n tasty”

me: “WTF”

brain: bite gecko in half

me: thats fucked

brain: nice clean bite

me: stop

brain: put hand in sharks mouth

me: no it will bite me what do you want to achieve

brain: feel little pointy teeth 

me: ok good point but its against the rules 

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