Starbucks Unveils $7 Wake-Up Slap

SEATTLE—Touting it as an invigorating way to jumpstart your morning, Starbucks on Friday unveiled its new $7 wake-up slap. “This open-handed smack to the face is perfect for those days where you barely dragged yourself out of bed and really need a pick-me-up,” said spokeswoman Gina Barish, adding that the basic palm slap can be boosted with an extra-shot option that includes a stiff backhand across the other cheek. “You can also customize the width of the hand and the brawniness of the barista so you get hit as hard as you need to start your day off energized and ready to roll. You can just walk right up to the counter and get slapped, or have a cashier lean out the convenient drive-thru window and whack you without even having to park.” Barish went on to say that while the slap was a limited-time promotion, it could become a regular menu item along with last season’s five-gallon ice water drenching.

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