me creating an OC five years ago: i have to make this character as different from myself as i can, or they’ll be self-insert mary sue trash. they have to be my complete polar opposite. i will have no idea how to characterize them, but they must not share any traits with me whatsoever
me creating an OC now: and YOU get my social anxiety, and YOU get my fear of intimacy, and YOU get my inability to admit when i’ve made a mistake, and YOU are basically just me in a hat,
Chats
The Customer Is Not Always Right: Getting Owned By the Owner Part 2
Getting Owned By The Owner, Part 2
COFFEE SHOP | LEICESTER, ENGLAND, UK
(I’m standing in a fairly short queue when a businessman walks in, pushes straight to the front and starts dictating his order to the 20-something year old cashier.)
Cashier: “I’m afraid you’re going to have to go to the back of the queue, sir.”
Business man: “I have an important meeting shortly. You must serve me now!”
Cashier: “Yeah, the longer you stand there, the later you’re going to be. Back of the queue.”
Business man: “Do you have any idea who I am?”
Cashier: “Nope. Now shut up and go to the back of the queue.”
Business man: “How dare you talk to me like that?! Get me your manager now!”
(The cashier sighs heavily, walks into the back, comes out with an older woman in tow and nods her towards the businessman, then disappears back into the back.)
Manager: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”
Business man: “That boy was incredibly rude to me! I demand you fire him immediately!”
Manager: “I’m afraid I don’t have the authority to do that, but if you want I can get the owner for you.”
Business man: “Bah! Fine, but I expect to be compensated for having to go through all of this trouble!”
Manager: “I’m sure you can discuss that with him, sir.”
(She then walks into the back, then comes out again with the now grinning cashier.)
Cashier: “Yo.”
Business man: “What’s the meaning of this? I said I wanted to talk to the owner!”
Cashier: “Like I said, yo.”
(The businessman silently gapes for a few seconds, then walks out stammering threats about having his head and closing the shop down.)
Manager: “Why do you always have to involve me?”
Cashier: “I just love the look on their stupid little faces when they find out I own this joint.”
(The manager rolls her eyes and walks into back.)
Cashier: “I love this job. What can I get you?”
somebody: you’re cool
me: you have been greatly misled
Me, reading a post on Tumblr: This is it; the worst post I’ve ever read.
Me, reading the very next post: This is it; the worst post I’ve ever read.
SIGNS AS ICONIC ASPECTS OF ANIME
Aries: naruto
Taurus: panty shots and other means of fanservice
Gemini: yaoi hands
Cancer: the long speech about victory and friendship given by the plucky protagonist while crying
Leo: magical girls
Virgo: the fucking tsundere
Libra: shojo blush
Scorpio: ‘tch’
Sagittarius: fight scenes that last for several episodes
Capricorn: The Tragic Backstory™
Aquarius: that really good themesong for the first season
Pisces: nekos and/or ‘NYAH’
friend: i’m here for you if you ever need me!
me: *needs friend*
me: i probably shouldn’t bother them
Cartoon Network: you can have a little gay.
Crewniverse: (makes the gays little)
July 4th Eve on Tumblr
International tumblr users:
“Brace yourselves”
*boards up windows
American tumblr users: *quietly starts chanting in the distance “USA, USA, USA…”
Everyone: Man, Fallout 4 is never gonna be announced.
Bethesda: Here’s Fallout 4!
Everyone: Yeesh, there’s a rumor about a Final Fantasy VII remake like every other year. It’s not going to happen.
Square: FF7 REMAKE! That’s a promise!
Everyone: I wonder what happened to The Last Guardian? Vaporware, probably.
Team Ico: Last Guardian! Right here!
Everyone: … *looks expectantly at Valve*
Valve: What do you want, you have your sale.
Rain Gods: texas
Earth: good, now california
Rain Gods: texas
Earth: ?? california??
Rain Gods: ….c.. cal..
Earth: yeah!
Rain Gods: texas