I should really just give up, you know?
Always hoping that maybe, just maybe, I’ll have a chance at a relationship, that maybe I’ll actually be happy.
Really, I’m not. I feign my happiness most of the time. In all honesty, I’d rather not go anywhere while I’m at home, I derive no real pleasure from it.
I’m happiest when I’m travelling, my mind allowed to my worries. though, it’s just a distraction really.
My inability to forge and maintain relationships wears me down, hell, I can’t even maintain a friends-with-benefits situation. By the time I had returned from work, they had a full time partner.
It’s just so frustrating.
I could do long distance again (hell, my job practically makes it unavoidable for a part) But I honestly don’t know if I have the energy anymore.
Every option I’ve tried has pretty much ended in a dead end for me because I’m so terrified of what could happen, and even though I know it’s really an irrational fear, I just can’t control it.
I’m at a loss of where to go, I feel there’s nothing emotionally for me here, but with how difficult it is to even consider moving, I just don’t have the ability to try anywhere. I’m feeling like I’m in a rut.
I just want to feel like I have someone (physically) close to me who actually cares.
I’m tired of being alone.
it hurts
but I don’t have the strength to fix it alone. I’m too drained…
