Month: July 2018

Bought Fallout 4 for @beardiemod during the steam sale…

Hearing him scream as he comes across stuff in voice call is hilarious.

tenaflyviper:

Know what’s great?  Complimenting random people on their style.

Tell people how neat their hairstyle or color is.  Tell someone their outfit looks really cool. 
Tell little kids their shoes are cool.

You don’t have to go out of your way to do it, it doesn’t cost you
anything, and you can make people feel really good about themselves.

Spread good vibes! 

yourplayersaidwhat:

Just prior to purchasing the barrel of Ron (which has by now become a staple of our lore) my rogue seduced a sailor away from the prostitute he’d been chatting up, and they were at the bar when the barrel came out.

DM: “The barkeep taps the keg, and pours out just the tiniest bit of liquid into everyone’s glass. It’s a dark liq–”

Me: “I drink it.”

DM: “…okay, so, Marius and the sailor, without a moment’s hesitation, both knock back their drinks. They immediately pass out on the floor with the hardest boners they’ve had in their lives.”

The sailor and I were dragged up to a room above the bar, and our mage cast Lesser Restoration on us – but leaving us with the erections. I had to leave right after that, and arrived at the next session late, so we determined that Marius and the sailor were screwing for the entire six hours that passed in-game.

yourplayersaidwhat:

So my players just finished killing a bunch of cockatrices. In case you’re unfamiliar with them, they’re basically bird-lizard-bat things with a petrifying bite, that’s the size of a chicken. I have them make a perception check which they both pass.
DM: “Okay, you see a bunch of tiny cockatrices that had been hanging around the edges scatter off, to hide in cracks and crevices.”
Half Elf Warlock: “Oh, can I catch one?”
Dwarf Barbarian: “Me, too.”
DM: “Uh, okay, you can try…”
Now here in my head I’m thinking this needs to be a very challenging check because they just killed the other cockatrices. So I give it a DC 15 which needs to be passed 3 times.
Warlock: “Okay, I’ll go first. Actually wait, he has better animal handling than me. You go.”
Barbarian: “Okay.”
DM: “Okay so roll animal handling, this is the first check of three.”
Barbarian: *Rolls a Nat 20* “Yes!”
DM: *I kinda stare at it dumbfounded for a second* “Uh, I dunno if I’m gonna give you two successes or advantage on the next check… Let’s go with advantage.”
Barbarian: *proceeds with his checks, lucky I gave him advantage because in each he rolled one really low but his advantage allowed him to pass*
DM: “Okay, uh, you’re gonna need to leash it for a few days, do you have rope?”
Barbarian: “I don’t know.”
Warlock: “I have rope.”
DM: “So, you’ll lend it to him?”
Warlock: “Sure.”
Barbarian: “Thanks.”
Warlock: “Oh wait, can I see if I can get one now.”
DM: “Well most of the babies have run away, but if you want to see if you can find an egg, roll nature.”
Warlock: *rolls a 3* “Darn.”
DM, to the Barbarian: “Okay if you want to keep your death chicken, you’ll have to keep it leashed for the next five days and go an additional nature check each day. Let’s go ahead and roll those 5 checks now. Since you passed the initial checks, you no longer have advantage, but these are easier to pass.”
Barbarian: “Okay.” *rolls another Nat 20*
DM: *facepalms* “Okay, I guess you do get advantage.”
Barbarian: *succeeds all the checks*
DM: “Okay, well I guess you are now the proud owner of a tiny death chicken.”