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Department Of Transportation Introduces Padded Bumper Lane For Intoxicated Drivers 

WASHINGTON—In an effort to reduce motor vehicle injuries and fatalities stemming from drunk driving, officials at the Department of Transportation announced Wednesday the opening of new highway lanes lined with padded bumpers, which have been installed on interstates nationwide for use by intoxicated drivers. “It’s really quite simple—if you’re already behind the wheel and you feel like you’ve had too much to drink, simply veer into the special lane at the first entry point and careen safely from bumper to bumper until you reach your exit,” said department secretary Anthony Foxx, noting that the bumpers were specially constructed to cushion the impact of a swerving vehicle and gently push it back toward the center of the lane.

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