yourplayersaidwhat:

These quotes are all from the same campaign, with the dwarf in question being the summoner with the “rockin’ awesome ginger beard” from a previous story. Some may be paraphrased.

Dwarf: “I open the door.”

DM: “Okay, you–”

Dwarf: “With my beard.”

DM: “–break your jaw.”

Dwarf: “What stats does my beard get, anyways?”

DM: “You can’t stat your beard out as a separate character!”

Dwarf: “…are you sure?”

Dwarf: “If I summon an owl fast enough, does it count as a throwing weapon?”

DM: *solely because he won’t stop asking* “…I’m going to regret this, but yes.”

Dwarf: “If I give him a pointy helmet, does he do piercing damage?”

DM: *regretting*

Dwarf: “I call upon divine intervention to make the suicidal paladin immortal!”

Dwarf, to tiny-size mage: “Hey, I bet you’re small enough to ride my owl!”

Rogue: “You hippogryph’d an entire town!?”

Dwarf: “It was an accident.”