Me: You’ll be fighting the Butcher

My Players: We must become friends with this person

Me: the blacksmith, a literal demon, takes a montrous bite from the whole pig in his hand.

My Players: we must adopt him. He is our uncle now.

Me: The hand is mummified and gross and undead, it tries to attack you because it used to belong to a murderer.

Party rogue: It’s my pet now and I will lotion it until it loves me.

Me: You are standing on a Rug of Smothering

Party Cleric: I’m gonna tear off a piece of it and keep it as a pet.

Update: They did, in fact, make friends and now half the party wants the Butcher to become a Demi-God

This is all very good and real, but I think you’re missing the most important part, which is when half of them decide on a whim to hurl Good King Lovespuppies out the nearest window

Party sees some monster: baby, baby boy

Party sees kind and benevolent npc: i dont trust like that

A dishonest man you can always trust to be dishonest, honestly. It’s the honest ones you have to watch out for, because you can never tell when they’re going to do something incredibly stupid. -Cpt Jack Sparrow

My players adopted a Goblin, an Owlbear and a Hobgoblin Vigilante, my Rogue went through the Monster Manual and made a list of things she wants to adopt. She wants a Gelatinous Cube but like, “a smol one” no Ranger I have ever DM’d for was this bad :))

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